Chapter 5: Shattered Self
“What are doing, hijo?”
I just looked at her while I drink the brandy that I got from the bar. I went straight here to forget the encounter that I had with Lei. I know I hurt her so much but I didn’t mean to.
“Can you please tell me what’s going on here?”
She said with the hint of annoyance.
She’s my mother. Issabelle Lewis, the reason why I don’t know myself anymore.
I just continued drinking.
I hate my life! I hate myself! I hate my parents! Because of them, I lost my one and only treasure and happiness. I lost her. Damn, I loved her back then and still, I keep on loving her without even realizing it. I just knew that, I didn’t stop loving her when we talked a while ago. It hurts to see her in pain and I don’t know what I should do to ease her pain…
“Leave me alone, Ma.”
“No, I’m not leaving you unless you tell me what’s wrong with you…”
“Nothing’s wrong, Ma.”
I said while my back is facing her. I don’t want to face her because I know that she’ll figure it out in an instant what’s bothering me.
“Is this all about that girl again?”
“…”
I didn’t respond. What’s the point of answering her when she already concluded it?
“Nathan, answer me…”
“…”
“Oh my God, I told you, stop loving that girl! She’s not worth your love, hijo. There are so many girls out there, just not her…”
See what I mean? She’s so manipulative. She always get everything she wants even my own happiness…she wants to manipulate it.
“What does she have that the other girls don’t have huh?”
“…”
I just turned my back and looked straight in her eyes.
“Answer me for Pete’s sake!”
“Everything the other girls don’t have, she have it!”
“You’re a fool! A big fool!”
“Whatever, Ma. I don’t care. I love her so much.”
“No! You do as I say, don’t you ever dare bring that girl to me!”
“Enough!”
My mom stared at me. I had enough of her manipulative orders. I’m sick and tired of everything. I want to find my own happiness and myself…
“I’ve had enough, Ma. For once in your life, did you ever consider my own happiness?”
“Of course, hijo. I always consider your happiness.”
“So, let me be. I want to find my happiness.”
“Hijo, I just want the best for you…”
She said with teary-eyed.
“Ma, I understand but I’m old enough to decide for myself…”
Now, I feel so tired from everything that happened today.
“But, hijo, I don’t want you to get hurt because of that girl.”
“Ma, it’s my own heart that will get hurt not yours, so let me be…”
“What?! No way!”
“You can’t stop me…”
After I said that, I went out of the house. I have to do something that can’t wait.
*****
I just looked at her while I drink the brandy that I got from the bar. I went straight here to forget the encounter that I had with Lei. I know I hurt her so much but I didn’t mean to.
“Can you please tell me what’s going on here?”
She said with the hint of annoyance.
She’s my mother. Issabelle Lewis, the reason why I don’t know myself anymore.
I just continued drinking.
I hate my life! I hate myself! I hate my parents! Because of them, I lost my one and only treasure and happiness. I lost her. Damn, I loved her back then and still, I keep on loving her without even realizing it. I just knew that, I didn’t stop loving her when we talked a while ago. It hurts to see her in pain and I don’t know what I should do to ease her pain…
“Leave me alone, Ma.”
“No, I’m not leaving you unless you tell me what’s wrong with you…”
“Nothing’s wrong, Ma.”
I said while my back is facing her. I don’t want to face her because I know that she’ll figure it out in an instant what’s bothering me.
“Is this all about that girl again?”
“…”
I didn’t respond. What’s the point of answering her when she already concluded it?
“Nathan, answer me…”
“…”
“Oh my God, I told you, stop loving that girl! She’s not worth your love, hijo. There are so many girls out there, just not her…”
See what I mean? She’s so manipulative. She always get everything she wants even my own happiness…she wants to manipulate it.
“What does she have that the other girls don’t have huh?”
“…”
I just turned my back and looked straight in her eyes.
“Answer me for Pete’s sake!”
“Everything the other girls don’t have, she have it!”
“You’re a fool! A big fool!”
“Whatever, Ma. I don’t care. I love her so much.”
“No! You do as I say, don’t you ever dare bring that girl to me!”
“Enough!”
My mom stared at me. I had enough of her manipulative orders. I’m sick and tired of everything. I want to find my own happiness and myself…
“I’ve had enough, Ma. For once in your life, did you ever consider my own happiness?”
“Of course, hijo. I always consider your happiness.”
“So, let me be. I want to find my happiness.”
“Hijo, I just want the best for you…”
She said with teary-eyed.
“Ma, I understand but I’m old enough to decide for myself…”
Now, I feel so tired from everything that happened today.
“But, hijo, I don’t want you to get hurt because of that girl.”
“Ma, it’s my own heart that will get hurt not yours, so let me be…”
“What?! No way!”
“You can’t stop me…”
After I said that, I went out of the house. I have to do something that can’t wait.
*****
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