So pissed of...

Feeling alone in the four corners of your room
You saw your friends' pictures of having fun without you
You're so devastated,
You can't even move a finger,
Why is it happening all over again?
You know that you gave everything
But why? It seems that its not enough
Why?...why?

I feel the wounds are opening up once again
I don't want to feel the pain once again
Why is it happening all over again?
Did I do something wrong this time?
Tell me...
Tell me, what did I do to deserve this?

I did everything...
All the efforts that were wasted...
I don't know what to do anymore
Do you think I don't deserve to be happy?
Why? Give me a reason to believe it

Why can't I be happy?
Happiness is all I ask for...
But I never really got the chance to it
I feel so deprived
Feeling so restless as the seconds passed by
I feel the clock saying tick' tock'

Is it sympathizing with me
Or is it mocking me that time passes by so fast
Or just wanting me to realize that I really should move on...
Move on with my life...
Without looking back

I just want to feel important for once
Even just a moment
Or just a day...
Is there someone willing to let me experience it?
I'm just hoping it against all odds...

Can someone help me...
Help me to fight this emotions that I'm feeling right now...
I feel so weak,
So restless that I don't even have the courage to cry...
Maybe crying helps others to relieve theirselves
But why can't I even cry?
Cry, even just a tear in my eyes...

I want to cry but there are no tears coming out from my eyes
Is my eyes are tired from crying once again?
Does it feel that I don't wanna cry again over some matters?
I think my body is immune to all kinds of pain...
My body is tired from everything...

I really hope someday, I will get over this feelings once again
I want to move forward without having excess baggage
Without feeling this kind of emotions...
I want to move forward...

I know it will take a while again
To bring back piece by piece of my shattered self...
I want to live at the moment...
Without worries...
Without regrets...

It's been a while...

It's been a while since the last time I updated my accounts. I've been busy in school stuffs that I didn't even had the time for myself :( . Anyway, my stories are not yet finish and I'm hoping that I'll finish it before the year ends again (SIGH). I noticed that I got a new follower and I'm so thankful that you are following this blog. Thanks so much and I really appreciate it! :D Nice meeting you sis! :)

Hmm... I'll just share what I wrote out of boredom again haha...and I know that it sounds so cheesy but hey, I'm just a human and nobody's perfect. I just jot down what were my thoughts at that time. haha...sorry for the wrong grammar, I think haha... here goes..

I wish you were here
Beside me,
Beside my every existence,
My every move,
My every step,
Please love me back
You're so close yet so far away...

I wish my existence will be worthy
When you've glance on my way
Just a little glance,
I swear,
I'll melt.

Even just for a while
Can you glance at me?
Talk to me,
Laugh with me,
Share your stories with me,
I swear,
I'll be the happiest girl in the whole world.

I hate it when you avoid me
I feel rotten
Like a trash that there's nobody wants
Why? Am I not worthy for your attention?
Why can't you just give me a chance?

It's only one chance that's all I ever wanted
But you chose not to see me
You've been looking to the other side
Wherein I'm a nobody
Just a shadow,
A part of the surroundings.

Thank you for letting me see you from afar...
From your existence...


That's it! This is one of the things that I wrote...More will be coming up hahaha...since I have one more week to go before a new semester will starts...:)

When Boredome Strikes!

It was a boring thursday afternoon, it's time for health economics but sadly, there were so many absent that day and seems like the half of the class were not present then. That situation didn't even let the professor bother some time, he just continued to his lecture. Hayy...so, I did what a "good student" should be out of boredom, I let myself take down notes even though I'm so sleepy that time. But my friend beside me just doing other stuffs like scribbling and doodle on a paper and I was encouraged to join her. So, for the whole 3-hour lecture, we did some poems that we got amazed how we managed to finished it because we just took turns per line haha...

This one is the one she made it during the first minutes of the lecture while I'm doing notes haha...

Could the sky be really blue?

Does my eyes deceive?

Is this breeze really cold

Or is it colder for me?

Could this emptiness be ever filled?

Though it seems overflowed...

Can't you feel this heart beat

Faster than its supposed

Every time I close my eyes

The vision of you comes in sight

I want to run away

Just scream and shout

But your shadow just crowds my mind

I want to run far away from you

But your voice simply haunts me

I want to erase you

But every time I do

You keep on popping...

...In every corner of this empty room

I think of you more often than I'm supposed

I don't know why I don't get tired

But maybe I'm just too numb.

Isn't great? I really like what she wrote. :)

The following were the ones that I joined her in doodling on a paper haha...

This cold steel press against my skin

I hear voices speaking in my ear

Let this cut flow blood

Let it flow fast

Until there's no more blood for me to bleed

Until this heart simply stops beating...

Do I have to suffer more...

In this mediocre life?

Its not my virtue to go on

Then, just let me die

Let me die...

This cold steel presses on my skin

I feel FREE.

Hmmm...I wonder who could it be? hahahaha...guess, it will be a mysterious man. Well, all I could say is that LIFE IS TOO PRECIOUS TO WASTE IT.

My heart seeking for something

I look straight ahead

There's a dark shadow

Blurring my vision

Uncertain where I'm supposed to be heading

No one lends a hand

I can't feel the warmth of someone...

Your smile...

It lightens up my day

Your touch...

Gives shivers to my spine

Your voice...

Lingers in my ear

You crowd my thoughts every night and day

I breathe you in, it gives me life

You give me a lot of reasons to live

Are you for real?

Or just a figment of my imagination

If you are, don't let me live in vain

I'm like a ghost to you

Seeing me but not really feeling me

Getting tired of this one sided romance

Slowly my boat is sinking...

Could I survive in your chaotic world?

Does love really exists?

Like a beautiful bud that blooms from time to time

Is it really true?

Sunrises and dances across your face

I stare at you, vividly seeing every bit of you

I pinch myself trying to wake up

Am I dreaming? Could this be true?

As I see you walking towards me

Time seems to stop

Now you're here beside me

My heart begins to stop

I catch my breathe

You're my air...

I gasp and gasp

I feel everything in me revived

I'm afraid if I wake up in the morning

This will be over and just a dream

A beautiful dream

It's all a dream

Can you let me sleep?

Even just for 5 minutes...

Just 5 more minutes...

Let me whisper to you these words...

Just listen to what I'll say

There's something you should know

I don't know if its the right time

Can you give me this chance?

tRuSt AnD lOvE???

Life is Mysterious

Sometimes in the past, late at night when it's too quiet to pretend…
I worry if I believe in anything at all or at least in anything beautiful.
I believe in change because it is permanent.
I believe in pain because it is sometimes physical.
I believe in anger because it can consume you.
But I was not sure I can believe in either love or trust
I could not then understand these two things most people build their dreams on…

Love fails to be unconditional by that one condition itself.
It ends when we fall out of it.
Then, we claim it that never was love…because love shouldn't die.
As for trust, it was self-explanatory until I doubted it.
When curiosity gives way to suspicion, betrayal isn't far behind.
For every failed judgment, we ask ourselves;
"Did I trust too little or too much?"
It is difficult to shut up every question in favor of complete trust
And only to realize it's too late…
Something you could have known had you only asked.
Where does love and trust start and end?

I have seen hundreds of people disappointed over unfulfilling relationships.
I have seen passion turn into poison.
I have grieved with them for the love they lost or never found.
We seem to love so much, but now it's gone.
We ask ourselves;
"Why do I feel lonely even if he's right beside me? Why can't our relationship be more than this?".

Now, falling in love itself is doubted by people around you.
They cannot feel the warmth that consumes you.
They cannot ache with the turbulent and confusing anxiety and joy that grips you.
They do not know the mental stress you experience trying to rationalize your emotions.
They cannot believe that you do not want to be in love with a person who doesn't love you back.
Who can enjoy running around with your heart on your sleeve?
It's like trying to cross a tightrope and always falling into jagged cliffs,
Because you are nervous, oh so nervous!
Loving and loving without getting any response can be destructive to anyone.
It is a thousand deaths every time.
It's an "unmourned" for death because no one else can understand.

Love is not sustained by hope but by wishes.
There's a difference.
No matter how perverse, people suffering from unrequited love are trying to get out of it…
While secretly wishing that he'd give a sign to show it isn't hopeless.
In desperation, unrequited lovers can even imagine signs if only to remain sane.
How can you love a brick wall?
A dead end?
A slavery without any sign of salvation?
How foolish! How unreasonable!
Unfortunately, how human too!

"Why won't he love me?"
"What is wrong with me?", scattered thoughts echoing such pain are not exactly abnormal.
Even the best-looking, best-hearted people can't always expect others to love them back.
Why? People sometimes need to feel unloved by everyone so that they learn to love themselves.

There is nothing wrong with unrequited love.
It happens all the time.
I won't delude you into thinking that if…
He can't love you back, he is not worth it.
In fact, believe that he is.
He is worth it all the headaches, the anxiety, the embarrassment, etc.
He is worth it because like you, he needs others loving him.
This sounds funny but the world is round for a reason.
We are all part of a circle.
If you love him and he loves someone else, just think of whom you're hurting by loving him.
It's a cycle.
Whose love are you not returning?

I know we can love deeply, tenderly, and lastingly.
I have seen such love and I have felt such love myself.
I learned that, aside from love and trust,
A fulfilling relationship begins when two people make their time together,
Is their number one priority.
If we hope to find love, we must first find time for loving.
Many couples experienced a tragic moment together that taught them to value their time together.
How we see our partners often depends on
How we are than how they are.
We are not audience but participant observers in each other's lives.

At the end of the day when all is said and done,
Loving without being loved back is the best thing to do
Because feeling so much pain, I learn to heal;
Knowing so much fear, I learn to stand up to anything;
Carrying so much sadness, I learn to glorify in joy.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure
Or won by a single caress
It is a lifetime venture in which we're always learning, discovering, and growing.

Lastly, this may be cliché but there is someone who is right for you (and even for me)
And even if he's not, he'd still be right because loving doesn't make sense until you accept it and make it real.
I dedicate this for all the people that I know who were once hurt by their someone special and learnt so many lessons from their experiences...

lOvE?...It's a complicated word...

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go!

You know when you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if his/her happiness means that you're not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love.

Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow.

Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing it's chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering, and growing.

The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.

On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get beckon the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you away the first time. To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken away because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love? Fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hut but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.

Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks for you know that there were the things that helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful. For only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that's love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why.

If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love because everytime we do, we get hurt, then I figured that's why it's called falling in love. That's it! This is dedicated for all the people that I know. hehehe...^_^

gEtTiNg StArTeD...

This is my 2nd blog here. The first one is all about my daily thoughts and what's happening to me so, I decided to make a 2nd blog wherein I can express my thoughts and moods through a story. I love writing stories and poems, and doing some art because that's the way I can express myself and I think this is where I can express all of it wherein there's nobody who can criticize me so bad and besides I can hide my identity here hahaha...

Anyway, I just want to have a diversion from all the chaos in my life. I can't trust people too much anymore. I learnt my lesson...