A Shattered Heart's Journey: Chapter 7

Chapter 7: The Bittersweet Kiss

“Oh, man! This is bullshit!” James said and stormed out of the corridor with a pissed of look while his girlfriend was too shocked to move. The rest are having different reactions towards the action that I did.
“You’re a slut!” someone shout of the blue.
Reality came over me and goodbye to my own world wherein there’s only me and Nathan. Now, I’m ashamed for what I did. Why did I kiss him? I should just get the hell out of here and not mind their business. Argghh. I don’t love Nathan! Geez, I just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. Oh, wait, I didn’t break up with my boyfriend instead I saw him with Chelly but still our relationship is over well for me. There are so many things that boggle my mind right now. I want to get out of this place pretty soon.
I step back and I feel Nathan’s lips stop and slowly moving away. My heart stopped to beat for a second, waiting to Nathan’s next move while my eyes are still close. Moments later, I still feel his hot breath on my face. Waahhh…move away! I can’t breathe! Help!
“Lei, open your eyes now.” Nathan gently said it with a low voice that only I can hear.
I hesitant for once in my life to do the right thing, I open my eyes slowly and Nathan’s eyes welcomed me with so much tenderness and love. Whattt?! Did I say love?! No, it can’t be true. Oh, crap! I need to compose myself.
“Why did you kiss me, Lei?”
I don’t know what to say.
“Ahmm…Nathan, I---“
“Nathan, why did you kiss that slut?” Chelly interrupted while shooting me a scary glare.
Nathan just look at me with so much emotions that I can’t name it. What’s happening to him?
“Nathan! Stop looking at her! I’m still your girlfriend!”
I hurriedly step back while my hands are on the arms of Nathan’s and removing his grip on me. To my horror, he didn’t let me go instead he tightened his grip on me like he didn’t want me away from him and I’m his life.
I look at him with shock.
“I can’t let you go, Lei. Not yet. Now, that we have to talk for once.”
“What the heck are you doing, Nathan?! Let me go!”
“No, not yet. We have to talk.”
“Okay, I give up. Let me go, will you?”
“No! You’re going to run away from me and I can’t let that happen all over again.”
“Nathan, listen. I have to move away so that we can talk seriously and we’re creating a scene again.”
“N---“
“Get your hands off, you bitch! He’s mine!” someone angrily shouted while determined hands were all over me and letting me move away from Nathan’s body.
“What the---“
I looked around to see Chelly with an angry look. Oh, God! Not again.
“Geez! He’s yours, for all I care!” I shouted and started to step forward away from that place.
A hand stopped me.
I looked to the hand that holds my hand and slowly look up to see the owner of that hand.
“What do you want, Nathan? Let me go, will you? Talk to your girlfriend and let me get back my peaceful life!”
I’m trying to release my hand from his grip but he’s just adding up pressure to his grip and tightened it.
“Lei, can you wait?”
He walked to Chelly’s direction with my hand so; I don’t have a choice but to follow his footsteps.
“Chelly, we’re through! After all you did, you still have the guts to tell me and the others that you’re still my girlfriend. Grow up, will you?!”
He walked past Chelly. I looked at Chelly and surprisingly, she’s not crying instead she’s angry.
Wow! Is that what you call love? Wahhh…
“Where are we going, Nathan?”
“Away from everything…”

*****

A Shattered Heart's Journey: Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Second Chances

“Smile, Ashley. You need to smile even if it’s hard.” I told my reflection one morning.
Last night, I just went straight to the gazebo and I let myself cry again. Then after I let it all out, I got my guitar from my room and played it while I sing. This is my way to let out all my frustrations in life. My guitar is my family. Without it, I don’t know what will happen to me.

When I arrived in our school, all eyes were on me. I suspected the gossipers already knew why I wasn’t with James. Three days had passed since I caught James making out with the cheerleader.
James and I never spoke to each other since that incident.

“I suppose James broke up with her. She’s such a bore.” I heard a girl says.
“Look at her. She’s so…so…yuck!”
I walked past them. I was sort of used to them. No one ever, ever, ever liked me. I was an outcast ever since I enrolled in this school until Nathan and James came into the picture. My life turned upside down.
“James has a new girlfriend that’s why they’re not together! Chelly!” a guy shouted.
My heart sank.
Chelly was the cheerleader that everyone adored. I looked down and walked fast. I hid my face with my long hair from the people around me.
All of the sudden, I bumped into something…or better yet someone.
“Hey! Watch out! Are you stupid or stupid?”
I heard a guy shout in front of me. I looked up and was shocked.
Oh, crap! It’s James.
I noticed that Chelly was all over him. I pushed him.
“Move away you stupid moron!”
I started to walk.
“Ashley, wait up!” he shouted.
I stopped in my tracks and opened my ears to him.
“Thanks for the two dull years you gave me. I ran out of enthusiasm. You’re boring. I couldn’t help but be attached to a beautiful babe.”
I turned around.
“Right, Chelly?” he said then, they kissed passionately. The crowd in the corridor cheered them as I walked out annoyed.
“He fooled you.” I repeatedly said to myself.
“I hate myself.”
I bump to someone again. Why is it I bumped to someone whenever I’m down? Weird…
Because of the impact, we almost fell on the floor but someone avoided it from happening by holding my shoulders to steady me.
When I’m okay, I looked up to say thanks.
“Thanks---“
My eyes widened.
“Hey, Laine!”
“Nathan!”
“Miss me?” he teasingly said it with a smile.
“Nah!”
“Wait here, I just need to do something.” he said then he walked past to me.
Where is he going? I turned back to see where he’s heading.
No! What is he going to do? I saw him walking towards James and his crowd. James is laughing with his groupie when Nathan drew his fist up high and punch James in the face so hard that everyone is shock from what he did.
“Damn it, man! What’s that for?!”
He said while his hand is on his face.
“That’s for hurting Lei! You bastard!” Nathan said with gritting teeth and his eyes are blazing with fury.
“What’s wrong with you?! I don’t even know Lei!”
“You don’t know Lei, ha?!”
He punched James again.
“She’s the only one you hurt. She’s Ashley!”
“Whoa! Stop it, Nathan!”
“You bastard! I gave way for you because you said you love her but then what did you do ah?! You hurt her! You don’t deserve her! You---“
He said and he’s ready to punch him again when I stopped him through my arms encircled in his chest.
“Please, Nathan. Stop it. It’s not worth it…” I gently said it while holding him tighter.
“Let me go, Lei. He hurt you and to think he’s my best buddy!”
“No, Nathan. I’m not going to let you go unless you stop it.”
He still resisted from my hold so, I don’t have a choice but to do this…
“Whoa! You slut!” someone shouted.
I just closed my eyes and cherish the moment. I kissed Nathan on the lips just to calm him.
Nathan was so shock that he didn’t even respond to my kiss so, I decided to end the kiss but then when I slowly moving away from him, he embraced me and kiss me back with passion. His kiss is so sweet to the extent that I forgot the people watching us. I only see me and Nathan. Then I realized that this is where I belong…to him…

*****

A Shattered Heart's Journey: Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Shattered Self

“What are doing, hijo?”
I just looked at her while I drink the brandy that I got from the bar. I went straight here to forget the encounter that I had with Lei. I know I hurt her so much but I didn’t mean to.
“Can you please tell me what’s going on here?”
She said with the hint of annoyance.
She’s my mother. Issabelle Lewis, the reason why I don’t know myself anymore.
I just continued drinking.
I hate my life! I hate myself! I hate my parents! Because of them, I lost my one and only treasure and happiness. I lost her. Damn, I loved her back then and still, I keep on loving her without even realizing it. I just knew that, I didn’t stop loving her when we talked a while ago. It hurts to see her in pain and I don’t know what I should do to ease her pain…
“Leave me alone, Ma.”
“No, I’m not leaving you unless you tell me what’s wrong with you…”
“Nothing’s wrong, Ma.”
I said while my back is facing her. I don’t want to face her because I know that she’ll figure it out in an instant what’s bothering me.
“Is this all about that girl again?”
“…”
I didn’t respond. What’s the point of answering her when she already concluded it?
“Nathan, answer me…”
“…”
“Oh my God, I told you, stop loving that girl! She’s not worth your love, hijo. There are so many girls out there, just not her…”
See what I mean? She’s so manipulative. She always get everything she wants even my own happiness…she wants to manipulate it.
“What does she have that the other girls don’t have huh?”
“…”
I just turned my back and looked straight in her eyes.
“Answer me for Pete’s sake!”
“Everything the other girls don’t have, she have it!”
“You’re a fool! A big fool!”
“Whatever, Ma. I don’t care. I love her so much.”
“No! You do as I say, don’t you ever dare bring that girl to me!”
“Enough!”
My mom stared at me. I had enough of her manipulative orders. I’m sick and tired of everything. I want to find my own happiness and myself…
“I’ve had enough, Ma. For once in your life, did you ever consider my own happiness?”
“Of course, hijo. I always consider your happiness.”
“So, let me be. I want to find my happiness.”
“Hijo, I just want the best for you…”
She said with teary-eyed.
“Ma, I understand but I’m old enough to decide for myself…”
Now, I feel so tired from everything that happened today.
“But, hijo, I don’t want you to get hurt because of that girl.”
“Ma, it’s my own heart that will get hurt not yours, so let me be…”
“What?! No way!”
“You can’t stop me…”

After I said that, I went out of the house. I have to do something that can’t wait.


*****

A Shattered Heart's Journey: Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Who’s Nathan?

“Why the hell do you care?” I pulled my hand from his. But he tightened his grip. I hit his back because of his sudden stop.
He faced me.
“My concern isn’t for you.”
I was loss for words…what he said added to the hurt in my poor heart.
“---I care…I care for…for...for your parents.”
Huh? Since when did he start to give a damn about my parents again?
“Who are you anyway?!” I shouted at him. The rain poured harder.
“My life is not your business.”
“It is my business.”
He carried me like a newlywed bride. Uh-oh. He doesn’t have the right to do this! He already put an end to our friendship ages ago, so why does he acts like my best friend again?
“Put me down, jerk!”
“Not until I bring you back to your home!”
“I don’t have a home!”
“Yes, you have!”
“No! I’m telling you. I don’t have a home. I don’t have parents waiting for me. They’re too busy to mind their business and they already forget that they have a child. I don’t have a family…”
“Yes, you have...”
“Who says so?”
“You have a family…You have me…”
I was so stunned to move when he said that. What’s wrong with him?
“Are you out of your mind?!”
I punched his chest but it didn’t seem to work. I looked at his face, I couldn’t see it. DAMN.
“No, I’m not.”
“You’re not my family and you’re not my friend…”
He stopped walking so; I waited for him to say something.
“I’m still your friend, Lei…” he sadly whispered to himself but I heard him.
“Don’t call me Lei!” I snapped at him.
“I’m going to call you Lei whenever I want! I’m still the Nathan that you knew and you are still the Lei that I knew even though you already hide your true self in that mask…”
“No! We’re already two different people, Nathan. Whether you like it or not, I’m not the Lei you knew…”
“You’re afraid to show your true self, Lei. I know you’re just pretending to be happy outside but deep inside you’re feeling empty…”
“…”
I surrender. He won. He’s right.
“Okay, you won! Now, put me down!--”
The next thing I knew, he ran so fast and it made me dizzy. I just closed my eyes.

He put me down on the passenger seat of his car.
“There you go; you’re safe here in my car.”
I looked at him and noticed that he wore a basketball player uniform.
“Now, quit playing games, Nathan. It’s not funny.”
“I’m not playing games with you, Lei.”
“So, what do you call with this stunt?”
“I’m worried, Lei. I’m worried that something might happen to you…”
I raised my eyebrow. What does he think of me? I’m not desperate to just let myself commit suicide.
“I’m not desperate so, don’t worry about me. I’m not going to commit suicide…”
I start reaching the hand knob while I’m looking at him.
“Don’t push me away, Lei. It hurts whenever you’re doing that…”
“I need too, Nathan. I don’t want to hope again that you’re going to stay with me again…”

As I said that, I opened the knob of his car and went out. I didn’t look back because I’m afraid I will see his expression…

*****

A Shattered Heart's Journey: Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Past

“Whoah!”
No way! Why am I thinking that guy? Ashley, be serious! You just saw your boyfriend cheating on you and now, you’re thinking someone other than your traitor boyfriend?...You’re insane!
“Ms. Cortez, are you alright?”
“…”
“Ashley Ann Nicole, are you okay?”
Someone nudge me out of the blue. I went back to reality, then I was surprise when I looked up, Mr. Harold is now in front of me and looking so pissed off but at the same there was a hint of concern to me.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m sorry, Sir. But I’m not…”
He looked at me once more.
“Hija, I’ll let you pass this time….”
“…”
“Now, get your butt out of this classroom right now and take a rest when you get home…”
I was shocked when he said that. I look at him with awe.
Him, Mr. Harold will let his student take a rest and be considerate? No way! This is a dream come true! The terror art teacher is now letting me go home without his usual sarcastic voice. Whew! I thought he’s going to say shameful words to me but I guess not.
“Are you going or not? I’m giving you 5 minutes to leave Ms. Cortez.”
I hurriedly get my things and I look at him with a thankful look in my eyes.
He just nodded and continues his lecture when I got out of the room.

Now, where should I go? I don’t want to go home yet. I want to be alone. I don’t want some maids telling me that I need to return call to my parents all over again. I don’t want to talk to my parents. I’m not yet ready. Not now that there’s so many things bugging me.

I ended up in the field. AGAIN. I stared at the field and felt that it was so peaceful. I hope my feelings are peaceful too…but I guess it’s not because I have mixed emotions that I’m feeling right now. I can feel raindrops fall on my face together with the tears that formed in my eyes. The night is dark, surprisingly there were no lights turned on. There I was alone, and crying. The rain is accompanying me to pour my feelings and let me cry the pain I’m feeling.

“She is the cheerleader; he is the MVP of soccer team. Wow. Perfect match.” I talked to myself.
“Who could’ve thought they weren’t an item? I was nothing compared to her. She got the looks, the body, the brain, and everything…She even got lots of friends. As for me, I don’t even have the body. Everyone hates me…” as I said those words, tears continued to fall from my eyes.
“He was the only one I loved that much. But he broke my heart into pieces…”
The rain continued to pour.
“I hate this life. I hate James. I hate love. I hate myself. I hate friends! I hate everything!” I shouted.
Then I was crying again. Crying really hard.

“Will you hate me too?”
I heard a voice from my back. I was taken aback. I turned around.

“I hate you all!”
I shouted at him. What is he doing here anyway?
“What are you doing here? Can’t you feel it?”
He opened his arms sideward.
“It’s raining.”
He pulled my hand.
“C’mon! You’ll get sick!”
I didn’t know what happened next. All I could remember was the jolt of electricity that I felt when his hand touched mine.
Nathan, what are you doing to me right now? I don’t need you. You’re just making it hard for me to forget the past…when I fell in love with you and leave me hanging…

*****

A Shattered Heart's Journey: Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Bittersweet Love

“Ms. Cortez, are you with us?”
Mr. Harold is looking at me and waiting for my reply. It’s my art class right now. I just stared at him and nodded a little just to let him know that I’m still listening even though I’m looking in the window near from my seat.

I can’t help but feel uneasy right now. There are so many things that happened to me today. I can’t just forget it just for a minute. I really can’t. The more I try to avoid it, the more my mind gets confuse in every second counts.

Flashback

It’s my break and I decided to surprise my boyfriend in his soccer practice. Unfortunately, I didn’t make it. The game was over. So, I decided to go to the player’s locker room.

As I was looking for James inside the locker’s room. There was no sight of him so, I asked someone from his team for he might know where James could be. I recognized the guy instantly, it was Neil, and I met him when I went with James to their house party.
“Yo, where’s James?”
“Oh, hey Ashley! What’s up?”
“I’m okay. I’m looking for James. Where could he be?”
“…”
He’s just looking at me like he didn’t know what to do.
“Hey, is there something wrong? Are you okay, man?”
“Ahhmmm…I don’t know where James went after the practice…” he said while his eyes didn’t know where to focus. He didn’t even look at me while saying that. It’s like he knows something but didn’t know if he’s going to say it or not.
“Are you sure you really don’t know where James went? Or you do know but you don’t want to say it in front of me?...C’mon! Say it!”
I sense that something is going on. I have this strange notion.
“It’s not that---“
“Hey, Ashley! What are you doing here? James already left!” someone interrupted him.
I gave him a suspicious look before I look to the other guy.
He just kept his mouth shut.
“Really? Where did he go?”
I tried my best not to show my annoyance in front of the two guys.
“Yep! He’s with someone.”
Now, I get the picture. They’re hiding James to me because they think that I’m a war freak gal whenever someone is with James and I easily get jealous. I’m sorry to tell you this but I’m not that kind of girl. I don’t easily get jealous and I’m open to everything because everyone deserves to live according to their desire not for others will.
I look at them with an inquiring look.
I noticed that the two guys’ exchanges look before they turn their look to me.
“Who’s with him?”
“He’s with----“
“Ashley, I think you don’t wanna know who’s with him…” Neil interrupted the other guy.
“Why is that?”
“I just know it. Just don’t make us say it to you…”
Neil said while he gives a warning look at his team mate.
“Where is he?” I asked again and this time with urgency.
“…”
“I need to know where he is…”
I’m really getting pissed off right now…
“…”
So, they don’t want to tell me the truth huh? Then be it…I walked briskly towards the door and went out. What’s with them? Arrggghhh…
I continue on walking with no direction until I ended up in the parking lot. I don’t know what I’m doing there.

“Hmmm…maybe I should look for James’s car…His car should be somewhere out here.”
I roam my eyes around the vicinity until something caught my eyes.
I found my boyfriend’s car. Still, James is nowhere to be found. I turned around and I was about to leave when I heard some noise. Curiosity struck me.

I look around to know where the sound is coming from. My eyes went big when I spotted it.
I walk towards the car and my heart starts to beat fast like crazy.
I heard a more distinct sound as I took a step towards to the car.
It was suspenseful as I took steps. It’s like every step that I took, it adds to the increasing rate of my heart. What if it’s not James’s car? What if it’s just an accident that the car is the same with my boyfriend’s? So many what ifs bugging me right now. What if it’s James’s car and he’s inside doing something? Nahh…He wouldn’t do that. He loves me so much that he promised that he’ll be always with me. But what if? Who knows? Every step is heavy for me. I felt that something bad would happen. Something really bad…

“You’re unbelievable.”
That was all I could say when I reached the car.
I feel like heaven and earth were crushed together.
I stood in stunned silence in front of the window while watching the two people inside the car.
Now I know why they don’t want to tell James’s location to me.
Minutes had passed and I didn’t notice that the girl is now looking at me with those big brown eyes like she’s so astounded.
When the girl stopped, James turned around. He was startled.
That’s when I turned my back to them and ran away.
“Ashley, wait up!”
It wasn’t other's car. It wasn’t some other guy who will do something like that at the back of his girlfriend. He was boyfriend and my boyfriend is making out with a girl. Oh, gosh. Even my eyes couldn’t believe it. My boyfriend for two years did cheat on me. He cheated on me.

I ran as fast as I could and feels the tears forming on my eyes. I ran towards the nearest tree that I saw in the field. I compose myself and force not to cry. I shouldn’t be crying. I should know it from the very start that no one can love me truly…
I look at the field in front of me. There, right here, I found my solitude…Until someone embraced me…
And his face, his expressive dark black eyes, his arms, his warmth…keeps on reminding me of someone that I knew very much…

End of flashback

*****

A Shattered Heart's Journey: Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Mysterious Man

“Hey, are you okay?”
Someone asked me but I can’t say nor speak right now. My mind is blank like an empty pen. I’m still shock from everything I saw a while ago.
“Hey, are you deaf?”
A hand came in front of my face and started to snap.
I didn’t respond.

A few minutes had passed, my eyes went big and my body freeze. Someone embraced me and hold me so tight that I can’t breathe. Now, I realized that I’m still alive and breathing. Tears start to fall down on my cheeks. Unconsciously, my hands reached the mysterious man embracing me and answered him or her with a tight hold. I don’t know why but I feel warm and secure in this unknown’s arms.

“I’m just here…” says the mysterious man softly while his other hand keeps on touching my hair in a soothing way.
I just keep on crying.
“Let it out…Let me feel your hurt…”

I don’t know how many hours we stayed like that until there’s no more tears falling from my eyes. I felt silent for a moment. Wait a minute. Who’s this man? Why do I feel so secure in his arms? Yeah, you heard it right. The mysterious man is a guy. I just figured it out right now when I noticed his built. I don’t know what to say. Should I say, thanks, I’m okay now? Or I’m sorry, I got your clothes wet? Nah, I’m not like that. I hate dramas. I’m still thinking when he interrupted my thoughts.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to say anything…” he gently said it while he slowly let me go.
Whoah! Is he a psyche? How can he read what’s on my mind right now?! Who’s this guy? Do I know him?
I slowly opened my eyes. My eyes went big and to my utter surprise, my mouth opened a little.
Why?! Oh, man! Why do you let me experienced this?! This is so not my scene. Why him? Of all people, why does it have to be him?
“Are you alright, Lei?” he asked me with a worried look.
“…”
“Hey! C’mon! Say something, you’re freaking me out.”
“Why are you here?”
“Huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“No!”

I run as fast as I could away from him. I still heard him calling me with that same name again…Why does he have to call me that name again? He brought up so many memories again just by saying it to me again. I didn’t look back. I’m afraid if I looked back, I will let him have his chance to laugh at me. Oh, dear! I don’t want him to think that I’m such a weakling.


“I’m sorry…Nathan…”


*****


Oh, crap! I should have followed her and talked to her. I didn’t know that she’ll be so shock to know that I am the one who’s embracing her. I was just walking around in this grassy part of the school near the soccer field when I saw her standing near the tree and looking so lost. I got this feeling that something happened that makes her upset.

I can’t just watch her looking like that. There’s this sudden urge that tells me that I need to comfort her and make her smile again. What’s happening to me? Why do I feel this way towards her?

She is just Lei, my mortal enemy since I can’t remember. I don’t know what happened between the two of us. Her name is Ashley Ann Nicole Cortez, the girl whom I have a crush on. She is my neighbor and my childhood best friend but not anymore…

I watched her disappear in my sight. My mind is so confused. What happened to her?
“Lei…”
I walked slowly going back to the building wherein my next class is located or better yet my after-school practice if I get so unlucky today.

“What a turned of events…”


*****

A sHaTtErEd HeArT's JoUrNeY...

Silence filled my ears,
Darkness occupied my sight,
I can’t hear any sound.
I see nothing.
My whole body felt numb,
I can’t move.
My heart is filled with remorse.
What’s happening to me?
I don’t know what really happened.
I don’t know what went wrong.
Why?!
I feel so lost and empty.
I keep on searching for the right path.
But why do I have to end up in the wrong road simultaneously?
I just want to be happy.
One thing is for real, this is just the beginning…

Is it true that history repeats itself?
Is it right to go along in everything?
Is it right to just follow your loved ones’ decisions?
And not minding your own happiness…
I just want to be loved.
But why do I feel like I don’t know myself anymore?
I don’t feel anything as if I’m a walking dead already.
Should I continue this?
Or should I start looking for myself and my own happiness?
There are so many unanswered questions that hang on my mind.
I don’t know what to do.
I’m sick and tired of everything…

CAN WE STILL FIND OUR OWN HAPPINESS?
A Shattered Heart’s Journey…

This is my 2nd story here and this is my first time to write a story using English language as a medium. Hopefully, I can finish this hahaha...